TV Has Arrived

We picked up the new TV. It’s awesome. The only source running to it now is the up-converting DVD player. The 480p digital signal (the maximum resolution of a DVD) is up-converted up to 1080i. So, while the actual amount of visual information hasn’t gone up (a DVD is a DVD no matter what), the player can convert the image to fill a high resolution scheme. The advantage has a higher number of line of resolution, but the same data fills those lines. So, technically, it’s not HD. It’s more of an HD-poser. The short of it is there is no way to get the true HD high-rez resolution of 1080p until our cable gets hooked up next weekend.

Up-converting players are getting more common, but they are still the exception. This is sad because the image quality is much more vibrant than the 480p standard that it totally justifies the $50-$100 price different between a standard and an up-converting player. I can’t wait to see what a true 1080p HD signal looks like when the cable box is hooked up. I wish more people who really enjoy their home theaters were better informed so we could get a practical, feature-rich HD movie player like, uh, four years ago.

I found a great tweak guide for the TV. The picture controls are pretty limited (no gain or C/mi controls) but there’s enough to significantly improve the quality of the picture beyond the default settings. For instance, the brightness of the monitor is ridiculously high. The brightness might be nice for watching a movie with all of your windows open at noon, but that’s about it. Everywhere I’ve read about the TV recommends turning the brightness (lamp voltage, actually) all the way down for viewing in a room that is in any way darkened. There are several more controls in a hidden service menu I read about, but I’m not going to go mucking around in there – changing a wrong value in this ‘secret’ menu can destroy the TV.

Anyway, I love it. It’s going to be fun to watch some of our old movies again to check out how they look on the new screen. Sorry to devote an entire post to it. But, hey, we loves the films.

(When I get a true HD-source running through it, I'll take a picutre of the screen.)

Musings and no MySpace

Thanks for the feedback on how you’d like to see the posting structured. I have two quick bits of housekeeping before I get to the post.

1. We’re not going to move the blog over to MySpace. While I still feel it would provide a more media-rich experience, the primary reason for joining MySpace is the social-networking aspect. Increasing the readership of DropMyStraw has never been a priority. This blog is maintained for a close circle of friends and family, and many of the subjects and injokes would only, in theory, benefit the target audience. We’re still looking into alternatives and hoping that Blogger gets its act together. I think I’m going to add a link on the right navigation bar that will take the user to a simple update log for anyone geeky enough to be interested in reading it.

2. Since most of you indicated as your preference is that the posts be short and frequent, I will start doing that. I’m sure the occasional long-winded rant will still find its way to the frontpage. For these long, self-indulgent, and sadly inevitable transgressions, you have my apologies. If anyone has suggestions on topics, images you want posted, or changes that might improve the blog, just email, call, or comment.

-

So this crazy woman came to our apartment last night and started spraying shoe cleaner in her mouth. Seriously. Most of you know both my love for storytelling and that I am not one to back away from a slight embellishment. My moto in storytelling is: If it serves the story better to add little gloss here and there, why not? In light of this, I hardly ever claim, “This is the complete truth.” I only say this when it’s true. So, try to believe me when I say that this quick story is completely true and is presented without embellishment of any kind, because it is.

I had just finished trying to get my sister-in-law’s boyfriend’s internet connection to work by troubleshooting it with him over the phone. I have a year’s worth of “professional experience” doing this, so I’m often successful. Last night, I wasn’t. I couldn’t get the stupid thing to connect. After apologizing for wasting his time, I hung and stood to join Mandy on the deck. I heard a knocking at the front door (it was about 9:00PM). Somewhat apprehensively I walked to the door and peeped through yon peepin’ hole to take a gander at this mysterious caller. A woman was standing outside with a clipboard and a bottle of cleaner. After a quick double-check to confirm she wasn’t carrying any guns or copies of the Watchtower I opened the door and said, “Yes?”

She proceeded to rattle off where she was from (Philadelphia) what she was selling (some brand of oxidizing cleaner) and that the sales benefited a good cause (making her rich). I politely declined and started to the close the door when she said,

“Sir, do you have a shoe?”

“I have several.” I replied. Damn, I’m funny. I gave quiet chuckle and blew on my finely manicured nails.

“Let me see it.” She said back not smiling at my impossibly witty retort. I handed her one of my running shoes and she cleaned the side of it with the spray going on and on about how wonderful the stuff is. It did clean the shoe pretty well, but not enough for me to pay. I politely declined to purchase again and she said,

“Sir! It’s harmless!” She sprayed her bright yellow shirt, “It doesn’t stain!” She sprayed this quiet little man in a suit that had emerged from the shadows to stand to her right. He laughed and ran away. “It’s not poisonous!” She started spraying the shoe cleaner in her mouth, staring at me as challenging me to say, “Yeah, I’m spraying it my mouth! What are you gonna do about it?”

Somewhat shaken, I declined to purchase the cleaner / mouthwash and started quickly closing the door when she said, “You look like somebody famous.” The little man agreed, wiping the cleaner from his face where she had sprayed it, and said, “Yeah… you like that Kevin Sorbo guy from Hercules!” They agreed and started laughing. I nodded, smiled weakly, and quickly closed and locked the door.

Granted, having a strange person call on you at night and fill their mouths with shoe cleaner is strange in and of itself. But the really weird thing is I have been compared, in appearances, to Kevin Sorbo multiple times. It seems even people with obvious mental problems can see this similarity.

It started in High School, when the Hercules show was still on the air, and continues up to this day. I’ve had teachers, co-workers, random people at bars, and now shoe-polish-drinking salespeople tell me this. It’s really strange because I, and anyone I know well, have no idea what these people are talking about. I’ve included a couple pictures to see anyone else can figure it out.

(Oh, now I get it.)

Insane Coincidence

So, Dolemite was inspired by Lowell Mason (the delightfully tiny man from the .... post) to go scouring the interweb for more info. He happened across this: The Lowell Mason homepage. It's worth a click. It's also interesting to note that Mr. Mason was recently in Grand Rapids doing some singin' (for God and country, I would assume).

It also turns out that Mr. Mason had himself a son. Like Mr. Mason, his son, Duke, is also a person of small stature. He sings and heads up a band, just like dad. In fact, here are a couple pictures of him posing with Nicolas Cage and Don Knotts at what looks like a kareoke party.

(Duke and Nic)

(Duke and Knotts)

Pictures like these are one of the reasons I love / fear the future. I'm not sure, but these could be the two strangest pictures I've found on the internet. Not because he's a tiny man (people are all sizes, and small or large, I think they're all equally funny) but that, only after tiny bit of searching for more detail about a random midget-singing album cover, I can come up with pictures of his son with Don Knotts. It's a brave, new world we're heading into where I can wontonly gather information on random tiny people... often more info than most would deem healthy, but there you have it.

On quick side note, his bio has this to say about one of his performances, "In September of 1995, The New York Times Magazine said, 'Duke Mason rocked the house . . . ', and, 'I found myself genuinely moved by the way he (Duke) took the stage and transformed himself into a giant. '" There you have it. I wanted to include this bit of praise to demonstrate that while tiny people are characterized as shin-biting trolls, and are often the butt of many jokes (hey, some of them rent themselves out to be tossed at parties), they can, at will, turn themselves into giants. It is apparently a magic skill they all possess and according to this Times article, they may also be transformers like Optomis Prime.

In the spirit of random album covers that make LOL, I thought I'd add this one and see what kind of crazy info Dolomite drudges up:

(This is just Freddie Gage's way of saying, "All my friends are dead.")

'Tis Trueth

(Sue and Mandy looking over the Cincinnati skyline)

I'm throwing in a couple of pictures that I meant to include in past posts, but forgot.

The weekend was good. On Sunday, we went to a permanent Renaissance festival outside of town (about 30 minutes away). I kept having flashbacks of "Cable Guy." It was fun, in a campy kind of way. I keep thinking that there is serious money to be made in giving people the experience of living in a time when everything was simple. Gender roles were expressly understood, there were good guys and bad guys, and rumor was accepted as fact, so you could make up pretty much anything and have other believe it. The government's making all kinds of money off pandering to this black and white nostalgia that really never existed – why can't I?

(The 'Roses' - These people were really good. Shoulda bought their CD.)

(Matt and Mandy enjoying a Bass and a Hardcor Cider)

We came back home that night and watched "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" in the private theater setup in the complex clubhouse. It made me long for the TV that is now only days away from arriving.

On Labor Day we did more of the hanging out around the house, cleaning, working on a video project, grocery shopping. All in all it was a laid back long weekend. It's nice to take some time off, not just from work, but from the tedium of routine. Sometimes it's nice to just not do anything. It's a skill I'm slowly developing.

We're trying to set our schedule up for fall and early winter. We're planning a trip to Cedar Point in the middle of September and a Roger Waters concert at the end. October is going to be busy with the 24-hour festival, Halloween, and early in November, Mandy's birthday extravaganza. There are plans for a few people to come down and visit in late September and mid-October, so that all needs to get sorted out too.

Due to all the travel in September, Oct, and early November, I think we're going to stay in Cinci for Thanksgiving. We're planning to be down in GR for an extended period over the Christmas / New Years holiday, so anyone who has any gatherings they'd like us to attend, let us know. The sooner the better as the schedule just keeps getting more and more crazy as that time of the year approaches.

That's about it from this side. I have a couple cool non-us related topics to post on, but I'm going to wait on those.

(I like this picture)

New Apartment Pics and Television

I have included a few pictures of the layout of the apartment for everyone who's been asking. I added them as small thumbnails. Just click them and you'll see a larger version. We finally ended up taking pictures because of the cleanliness of the apartment. Mandy's parents left this past Thursday and before leaving they decided to clean and vacuum the apartment - so we figured this is probably as good as it will get.

We paid for a new television today, but we'll be picking it up next week Wednesday. It's a 42-inch LCD made by Westinghouse. The cool thing about the TV is that it really is more of a monitor. It has no internal ATSC or NTSE decoder built in. That means, you can't just plug a pair of rabbit ears in and have it detect channels. It only reads from a digital source. This is handy for Mandy and I because A) We never watched broadcast TV and B) All of our sources are digital (DVD-player). The other cool thing that computer geeks out there might appreciate is that it's a 42 inch LCD with an 8ms response time, a DVI input, and a max resolution of 1920 x 1080...

The other cool thing about the monitor is that it support 1080p HD-TV which is the highest standard of HD-compliant signals. This will be really cool when the Playstation 3 comes out, since it support up to 1080p and plays BlueDisk HD-standard movies (Serenity will look SWEET!) The other cool thing about it is that it will support the HD channels we'll be receiving on our set-top digital cable tuner, so we can... what's that you say? Yes. A digital cabel tuner with HD stations. Yes. There will be a connection running from a cable provider to our house. Yes. We have finally decided to take the plunge and plug into the cable realm. The reasons for this are two-fold: They gave us a $250 discount on the TV for signing up and B) Because of Ohio laws, cable providers can only make charge you month-to-month. That means, if we decide the stations we receive are not worth the moola, we cancel at any time and keep the $250. RAWK! HD Discovery channel will look amazing on the 1080p monitor. Oh, and an interest-free loan for everything for 3 years helped seal the deal. I'll post some pics of the TV when we get here and setup. A good article on the TV. A quote, "This is a true 1080p display that is slightly ahead of its time – but definitely ready for the future… at least until some uptight MPAA associate demands a new DRM scheme that renders all hardware obsolete and forces us back to using slide projectors and reel to reel tape."

Mandy and I are spending the holiday around Cin City. We're going to check out a festival and some of the cool attractions the city has to offer. When we attend these events, I will try to actually take picture with the camera I am holding. I'll post a weekend recap when I have more to add. Hopefully, by the holiday's end, I'll have some interesting stories and pictures to regale everyone with.

(The loft as seen from standing on the staircase - computer is to the right)

(The living room as seen from leaning over the loft)

(The loft as seen from the laundry room door)

(The kitchen seen from the living room - enterance is to the right)

(Bathroom as seen from the door near the enterance. Tub is to the right)

(Staircase leading to the loft - bathroom and enterance are to the left)

(The basement, filled with SPAMers, as seen from the 'Overlord Lookout' ledge - pits of tar are to the left)

Blogger Is Getting Annoying

Boy, this is probably the longest break between posts I've had in a while. We've been busy with a number of different things that could be cited as excuses for not posting, but, in all honesty, it's really just a simple blend of laziness and distraction.

Mandy's parents are nearing the finish of their world wind tour of the United States as seen from the vantage point of two chrome horses. They bought a simple (and surprisingly effective) mini-DV camera from eBay and have used it to create a video diary of their trip. I plan to boil a pot of editing juices and render those tapes down to one, 30-40 minute biking adventure that can be enjoyed by all. As one of the last stops on their trip, they have been camping out at our apartment in Hamilton! for the past few days. Their visit has been most welcome. We've spent many hours catching up and swapping fun travel stories, checking out the city, and trying new foods. Originally, I was going to cite their trip as the cause for not posting, but it's not really true. I have had a lot of free time these past few post-free days, I've just thought it better to spend it hanging out and chiz-illin' with the in-laws than writing.

Not a single person replied to an important, previously stated question, so I'll ask it again in the hopes that at least one of you responds: Is it more desirable to post shorter, more frequent posts or longer, less frequent posts? Do you want daily updates with less content or maybe twice-weekly updates with more content? Let me know.

I'm planning a face-lift for the blog and possibly mirroring it on MySpace, to see if people dig the change. I hope to incorporate more media-rich content (audio, video, and spinning "under construction" signs) to make the blog more fun. Among several other problems, I can't seem to get the "Phone Audio" updater and the RSS-Feeds to work on Blogger. These issues, along with the integrated content management system at MySpace are two of the main reasons for the mirror. There's a new "improved" Blogger service that is currently in beta, but I can't get DropMyStraw to transfer over, so I don't know whether the changes will be good or not.

MySpace provides much more flexibility in the direction of media-rich content, and, from what I understand, it's much more reliable than Blogger, so who knows. Since we started the travel-blog project, we've gotten a ton of really positive feedback from friends and family. It's encouraging, and we thank you all for it.

My goal over the next few weeks is to get my business site installed and customized. I'm also going to start putting together a gee-whiz wow-bang demo reel to show potential client and ad agencies in the hopes that I can land a job that will pay me to do something I enjoy (what a novel concept). To do these few things, I plan to rebuild the RAID array on my computer (or, rather, pay Kleiner-One-Niner with beer to do it for me) and possibly upgrade some of the components with a little of the money I made doing video work for clients back in GR. In this way, hopefully, I can keep moving towards my long-term video goals and write the money spent to upgrade off as a business expense in the process (gotta love being incorporated).

That's it for now. I'm still planning to post the terrible and wonderful music video montage as well as some pics of the apartment. Stay tuned, great things are in the works!

(What is it with me and midgets?)

Slow News Night

Not much... Except this: Our love for Big Trouble In Little China knows no boundaries.

("Who?" "Jack Burton! ME!")

Tastes... TASTES...

Good on da' bun!

In honor of all things musically dandy, I present a simple and straightforward post. "Weird Al" Yankovic's "Even Worse" was the first CD I ever owned. My dad bought it for me ($29.99 at the time) to play on his brand-new CD player. Years later, the CD player ended up going to fuxupyo's dad. His dad (Pastor Joe) rewired it. He added a skip and random-play feature by wiring it to his computer through a parallel cable. Amazing guy with an amazing brain.

I loved "Weird Al" long before I loved the true launching point of my interest in music; Pink Floyd. I will love him long after the four remaining members of the London psychedelic quartet have set their respective controls for the heart of the sun. Al is brilliant, zany, and filled with just enough social satire to make his humor slightly relevant.

With that in mind, check out this link, and listen to the whole song before reading on: Don't Download This Song

When I listen to this song, two points become very obvious:

1. "Weird Al" Yankovic sticks to very socially acceptable humor.
2. His music is intended to make middle-schoolers laugh.

While these two ideas may seem innocuous at first, consider the underlying message of his song. He claims, in no uncertain terms, that the copyright and legal moguls of American (RIAA, BMI, and others) have stepped so far beyond the bounds of rational discourse that no one, save the hopelessly misguided, could actually think they are serving the interests of the artists they represent.

Now, this guy isn't John Stewart, Michael Moore, or any other far-end leftist humorist who has an axe to grind (BTW, I love John Stewart, Michael Moore, and, really, anyone who has an axe to grind about pretty much anything). This is "Weird Al" folks. This is the guy who parodied Michael Jackson's "Beat It" with "Eat It." He's not trying to be taken seriously, but therein lays the real beauty of the song. "Weird Al" sings to entertain middle-schoolers, not their parents. He writes lyrics kids understand because they are juvenile to take the line, "I accidentally shot Daddy last night in the den! I mistook him in the dark for a drug-crazed Nazi again!" as mere hyperbolae.

It demonstrates that middle-schoolers understand how ridiculous it is for the RIAA to sue children. Kids have highly-tuned bullshit radars, and they hate, hate, hate hypocrisy. Al is cashing in on it by making fun of such a bleedingly simple target: enormous corporate conglomerates who only fool the feeble-minded into believing that people sharing music with their friends is akin to flying planes into the world trade center. It makes a good case that the humor in the song is so universally understood to be ridiculous (like the OJ Simpson trial or the sounds of bodily functions) that a 13-year-old would understand the joke and laugh.

So, what does that say about the rest of country and the state of corporations manufacturing consent? Who knows?

I just know that there really are some people who stand behind the RIAA saying, "Yeah, we should totally sue people for sharing music they legally own!" But the mere existence of this song shows that a new generation, one not so hopelessly dependent on "voices of authority" to tell them what is and isn't morally acceptable, is looming heavy on the horizon. "Weird Al" is onboard for the long the ride. When I was a kid, it was funny to make fun of Michael Jackson and gun control. Al is still pointing towards the obviously absurd, only now, most if the adults aren't in on the joke. And that's may be the saddest part of all.

God bless the Glorious Weirdness. It takes a true luminary like Mr. Yankovic to show us the absurdity of our ways… even if it was already painfully obvious to 10-year-olds.

“Let me tell sonny, let me set you straight. You kids today ain’t never had it rough. Always had everything handed to you on a silver plate, you lazy brats think nothing’s good enough.”

-Weird Al Yankovic

Image 5 in "Whose Wax Baby Pictures Towards Which The When Picture HAPPY???"

(This is one of the truly funniest pictures ever. This poor cat looks like a victim of some late-night Camelot party.)

ULTIMATE FIGHTING EXPERIENCE!!!

Life's been good this side. The days have been very pleasant, bordering on hot. It's strange how the air is so dry. It'll get really hot temperature-wise, but it won't be that cloistering, stagnant hot that Michigan is so famous for. I would guess it's because Ohio is lacking in the being-surrounded-by-enormous-lakes department, but who knows? It's probably aliens or a Democratic conspiracy.

There isn't a whole lot to report on our side. Mandy and I went to dinner at the Taj Mahal, an excellent Indian restaurant down the road from us. We hooked up with a guy we went to see The Illusionist with and good food and a good time was had by all. We're still going strong on the veggie thing with no real end in sight. I was skeptical of my ability to be disciplined enough to withstand the shimmering, lard-coated meats (so juicy and tender) for more than a week, let alone a month. But, it turns out, like everything else, if you plan for it and keep at it, even strange things become the norm.

It's amazing how adaptable people really are. We get pissed (well, I do) when our daily schedules are interrupted by a traffic jam, and act as if it were the end of the world, but we can adapt to crazy, life-altering events with the same grace. I keep thinking about the poor people in Lebanon and Israel, fighting over ideas and beliefs, and it seems so detached from my daily experiences that I assume I'd probably spontaneously combust if presented with a similar situations, but I wouldn't. Life would go on, it would just be totally different. I'm amazed to see how my friends have recently dealt with life-changing events with grace and courage that defies rational explanations. People can adapt and draw strength for any number of different sources, including themselves.

I'll close this post with a very interesting tidbit of trivia that Kleiner-One-Niner sent me today. Mandy and I live in Hamilton, OH. It's a little suburban area near expressways, financial districts, and lots of residential shopping. It's not very bohemian, but it is, at leat, close to everything. Anyway, it turns out that in the mid-80s, the city renamed itself from "Hamilton" to "Hamilton!" (with the exclamation mark). The city we live in (and this real, not a joke) is called "Hamilton!"

Two sources that prove this are: Wikipedia.Org and The Cincinnati Enquirer.

The hippies and art-types may have their cool loft apartments, their art galleries, and their "drugs" but do they live in a city that demands the speaker exclaim in a proud, trumpeting voice that they live in "Hamilton!"? No. They do not.

So, come visit us in Hamilton! someday. We'll strut around, clap a stranger on the shoulder, and scream, "Hamilton, damn it! HAMILTON!!!"

Picture #4 in the "Funny! Pictures! That! Are! Funny!"

(I dedicate this picture to all Wack Nasty Grunge Rumblers, for they, truly, would get the joke.)

Weekend Wrap-Up

Been a fun, fast weekend. I think we're starting to get settled. Two weekends in a row we've been here, working, shopping, meeting people, hanging out. It's been fun and very educational. It's very neat to see how the vibe and flow of an area is similar, yet different from the area I grew up in. Now that I've been working for a little while, I've again come to love the upcoming weekend and dread its passage. I honestly can't believe that most American companies only allow their workers two weeks of vacation a year. Somehow people have come to accept this insanity and work, literally for years, with 14 days of 354 that they can take off of work. That's craziness! If everyone woke up and realized that this is all you get and banded together and demand large corporations give them more than two weeks vacation well, then... the company would fire them and outsource the jobs.

So maybe that's not the best idea, but I'm standing for this two weeks a year crap. There are other ways to make money and live a life that don't involve actually living on the weekends and working for five days for 30+ years.

Friday: We hung out at home then went out for dinner at a local place PF Chang's. It was a kind of upscale Chinese restaurant that carried more than the usual take-out fare. Mandy and I were talking about how it's difficult to find a Chinese restaurant that isn't a simple take-out place. This was really good. The prices were reasonable (only $8.99 for a pan friend noodle). The tea was incredible. It had a smoky, black tea flavor to it.

Saturday: We slept in, went out to breakfast at a Red Squirrel (a local chain sort of like a Big Boy) and went to Old Navy. I needed to get a couple pairs of hole-free pants for my job. That night, we met up with a couple people and headed down to Newport on the Levy. Newport is a lot like Navy Pier in Chicago. It has some cool attractions, but it's mostly a large attraction for white people who are too leery to wander around the more seady parts of the big city. We went there because they were showing "Snakes on a Plane" and had a highly recommended pizza place.

The couple we hung out with were really interesting. For the purposes of this post, it's only important to mention that the woman is an Art Director for a large ad agency here in town. Her job consists of drawing, working with creative teams, outlining videos, and enjoying the weekly martini Friday afternoon. Like other graphic designers I know, she had access to various foosball tables, free lunches, and incredibly flexible working hours. This instantly made me angry. Again, I was reminded of far, far away I am from doing something I remotely enjoy. I have the degree and the talent, I have only to keep applying to jobs and building more portfolio until I hopefully land a job where I too can enjoy a martini while editing the next Death Cab For Cutie music video.

Snakes on a Plane was... about snakes on a plane. It was great to see its second open night because the crowd was totally in on the joke. There were lots of hoots and hollers and uproarious cheers when Samuel L. Jackson delivered the hallowed line, "I have had enough of these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!" Good stuff.

Sunday: We hung out at home. Mandy some delicious breakfast thing consisting of eggs, cilantro, chili oil, and other herbs and spices. 'Twas delicious. We met up with a friend and had a three hour conversation about health care, marriage, and bad Ohio drivers over a cups of fantastic chilled coffee. It was miserably hot and humid Saturday, but today it was perfect. Sunny, around 80 degrees, and a light but constant breeze. The perfect day to rest. We went shopping at Jungle Jim's, stocking up on our weekly supply of vegetarian thingies. We're heading into our fifth week of no meat (apart from occasional fish and shellfish). It's been fun, but I haven't really noticed any particular health benefits other than my left arm growing back after losing it in that terrible, terrible plane wreck. So, there's at least that. I think I'll continue on with it until I come across a really good opportunity to eat a steak or some sweet, sweet bacon.

Life is good, but we miss everyone back in GR. Friend and family are really important to us and the separation is taking some getting used to. We have to miss things like birthdays, movie premiers, and the occasional Founders brew, but it's a price we have to pay for a new adventure. It's very fulfilling and hard - it's strange how often those two aspects come packaged together.

AI15947813A

($0.42 goes to anyone that can figure out where the subject line came from)

Quick update tonight. Not much going on in the Big Cin other than toiling for the man. Both Mandy and I headed off to work, worked, and returned from work. We ate some delightful pasta and headed off to a Borders Books nearby to pick up a copy of CityBeat.

Three major things I'm working on for the blog are A) A series of photos and possible video of the apartment B) A quick 2x2 analysis of the videos I edited for a client back in GR and 3) A revamp of the layout of the site with a couple of new features.

Also a quick question: Is it better to post detailed (possibly video) responses that occur only occasionally or to post shorter but more frequent articles? Let us know in the comment section.

Three funny things:

1. This guy is my new hero.

2. Today at work I sat listening to q Coast to Coast AM podcast when a woman called in asking host George Noory for some information on a topic he mentioned in a previous show. Here's a link to a couple minute clip of the call. For those of you who are C2C fans or just enjoy listening to how gullable some people can be, you'll get a kick out this. A couple months back I posited the question, "Can people really be gullable enough to believe the majority of what people say on a late-night radio show that is dedicated to alien abductions, government conspiracies, and time travel?" The answer is self-evident.

3. The third in my continuing series of, "Funny Pics That Are Funny"

(No, wait. This is guy my new hero. 1943, apparently, was a very good year.)

Got a little moto, always sees me through...

When you're good to Citybeat, Citybeat's good to you...

Went out last night. A local magazine, CityBeat, had a posting for a free advanced-screening passes to the film The Illusionist. Both Mandy and I responded to the ad, hoping to up our chances of scoring the tickets. We ended up both getting accepted. The film company sent us each three passes (good for two entrances) to the 7:30PM showing. We invited the dear Kleiner-One-Niner and a couple people we've met through the glorious forum Craig's List. The meeting went well, everyone seemed very laid back and into probing the little knooks and crannies of the Big Cin, so I'm sure we'll all find ourselves puttin' on the Ritz in short order.

The film was good. Beyond that lame and untelling word, you'll have to read my review on MindSplint, which, at this point, does not exist. Keep checking back. I'm sure it only be a matter of months or years before it finds its way out there.

The main thrust of this post isn't the film, new friends, or even cleverly reworded lyrics from the musical "Chicago." No. It's about a strange phenomenon that happened just today. A phenomenon that I haven't witnessed in about 3 years. At the time printing, I couldn't find a technical term for it on any of the myriad collections, indexes, and glossaries scattered through the 'net. So, for lack of a better term, I'm dubbing it, "DistroBombing" and it really is cyber-living proof of how spammers make money by sending out incredible amounts of email. The reason I haven't seen it in years is due to the fact that it's effects can only be seen in a network environment that is both A) Large enough to have large distribution lists filled with non tech-savvy people and B) Mail administrators that are inept enough to leave corporate-wide distribution lists open to anyone who wants to send a message. It goes like this:

1. Bob sends a legit email (Message A) to another person in the company, while accidentally CC'ing the message to a distribution list that contains every person in the company.
2. A copy of Message A appears in the inbox of everyone in the company because everyone was on the distribution list that Bob accidentally sent his message to.
3. Everyone in the company opens the email, realizes that they have no idea what Bob is talking about, and click "Reply to All" to let him know. They click the send button, transmitting their reply to Bob and everyone in the company again, because the corporate-wide distribution list is listed as a recipient.
4. The process repeats over and over. Every time anyone replies to the message, everyone in the company receives the reply and starts responding.

In the past, I've seen this DistroBombs go one for months. People would return from a long vacation, see a 200 messages in their inbox, and reply to it saying, "What is this all about, Bob?" Then everyone would start replying with the message, "Stop replying to the message!" which everyone receives ad nausum.

What intrigues me about the whole scenario is how effective it is. One person sends out a message with a large distribution list on it and soon, everyone in the company is getting messages, inboxes fill up with alarming speed, mail servers crash, and geeks like me spin in our chairs placing bets on how many messages will circulate before the chain stops. Total pandemonium, in other words. The effectiveness is not a defect of the mail system. It behaves just as it should, sending mail to the inboxes the user has designated. The whole bombing process only succeeds because of the users inability to understand what is happening. Even after several emails containing a subject and body that only reads, "DO NOT REPLY TO THESE MESSAGES" people will still reply asking, "What message?" or "Please stop this Bob! I'm trying to work!"

I guess I shouldn't be amazed that professionals working for a large company do not possess the basic skills necessary to prevent something like this from happening. Haven't worked for a company where my sole responsibility was convincing grown adults who had paid hundreds of dollars to own their own ecommerce "business" that yes, indeed, their keyboard came equipped with a num-lock key. But still...

Anyway, if anyone knows what the technical term for the scenario above actually is, let me know. If there isn't one, I'm going to create an entry in the Urban Dictionary for it.

And last but not least, the second in my continuing series of "The Funniest Picture Thingies Evah'!!!"

("AHHHH!!!! BURGER!!!!"

Bikin' In Da Rain

Not much goiong on today. Went off to work. Nothing to report there. Went to an interview after work; that was pretty cool. That whole thing is under wraps for the time being, but I'll post more as it becomes available.

In the meantime, I have been listening to the podcast EscapePod. I would highly recommend it if you're a sci-fi fan. The stories are great (many of them Hugo and Nebula award noms and winners) and it's great fodder for coming up with stories for use in, say, a film, short stories, or your own podcast. The more I listen to the pod-o-sphere, as it's sometimes called, the more I want to get involved. The great thing is, like the better part of the internet, it's free, distributed, and anyone can contribute. I haven't figured out how or when I'd have the time to do anything with it right now, but the idea is definitly there. I like to write, voice-act, and do cool audio thingy-jiggies. I think a serial story would be something more fun than a news update or a "today in sports" deal. It would have a set length and I could make sure to have at least half done before I started to publish any. I dunno. If anyone is interested in doing something along those lines, email or comment here. I think it would be good fun.

In the meantime, here's a picture in a series of posts I like to call, "Funniest Damn Pictures Ever"

Badger, Badger, Badger

It's been a busy weekend. Friday we headed off into town to check out an open-air Seafood Festival in Newport. Newport is on the Kentucky side of the river, and they've spent a ton of money fancying it up. They hold festivals, built an enormous purple bridge that literally leads nowhere, and built a bunch of uppity restaurants. The festival was fun, we ate a some fried fish, shrimp, and chips. Then we headed to Hofsbrau Haus for a European-styled beer. It was pretty good. Not as wonderful as I remember my one golden sip the winter before, but we both drank the seasonal brew, so we'll have try the others some other time.

Saturday, we mostly hung out around our apartment. We went to a festival (there's always festivals around here) in West Chester, near where we live. Instead of getting to the festival (which had a $5 charge for the 'free' parking the advertisements promised), we ended up checking out a really neat wine shop. They were have a wine-tasting, so we hung out with owner and chatted about the area and what's going on. We ended up heading home and making some really good pesto-stuffed pasta with a fresh, spicy marinara sauce. Then we spent the night in usual geek fashion: Surfing the internet and listening to down tempo lounge music.

Sunday (today) is errand day. We bought a ladder and some pleasantly-scented items. We cleaned up around here and did our weekly vegetarian grocery shopping. It's strange that this coming Tuesday, we'll have hit our goal of two weeks with no meat. It hasn't been that hard. The only times I've noticed is during breakfast when haven't been able to dive in a steaming mound of sweet, sweet bacon. Ah well. I don't know how long I'll keep it up, but it really hasn't been that bad.

Today, on our way out to breakfast this morning, we saw a badger scurrying down the road. We slowed down to get a look at it, and sure enough, it was Mr. Badger. We pointed and honked and drove past. Here is a good link to commemorate the occasion.

Oh, also, on Saturday Mandy and were driving somewhere when we stopped at a red light. A random car pulled up alongside us. The driver looked over at me and in this mocking-serious tone said, "Go Buckeyes." I waved. We drove off. I'm guessing that he was inspired by our blue Michigan plate to talk to a complete stranger at a light, but it's only one of many, many occasions of such things happening. For example, every single time I would go running down Burlingame, random people would shout totally unintelligible gibberish at me as a I ran. I would tell Mandy this, but she would claim (and rightfully so) that I often embellish my stories, and it can't really be true. But then she ran with me a few times, and it happened every single time. I've often wondered what it is about me that causes random people to shout nonsense. Is my firm, proud buttocks? My wavy locks of golden hair? I don't know. It's very strange.

Also, I promised some photos of our apartment by this weekend and, yes, I lied. The apartment is finally cleanish, the boxes put away, and the random junk arranged (somewhat). I'll try to get the pictures done tomorrow and post them.

Peace n' love, y'all.

The Flaming Lips f. Sonic Youth & The Go Team!

(Doesn't this look Wayne Coyne in his Christmas on Mars gettup?)

So here it is.

I left for Detroit about 10:00AM on Friday August 4th. I stopped for gas and breakfast sometime around 11:00AM in Sidney, OH. The breakfast was brief and not worth any kind of comment. I bring it up only because it was the only food I ate for the entire day.

The drive up was totally uneventful. It took right around 4 hours (Google Maps was right again) and I arrived and was parked a block from Comerica Park and State Theater about 3:15PM. I packed up my change of clothes, my camera, car stereo, and a couple bottles of water in my backpack and headed out. I wandered around downtown for about an hour, conversing with various concert goers, and snapping pictures.

Chad, Andy, and Jon showed up a little after 4:00PM. The four of us promptly headed into a nearby bar and drank a few beers while discussing film, showing off various geek gadgets, and our recent move to Cin City. This lasted for about two hours. Over the course of the two hours, the place kept getting progressively more filled with concert goers, baseball goers, and drink goers.

We all headed out of the bar around 6:30 – 7:00 and got in line. Actually, before I got in line, I went up to a bouncer and asked if it was cool if I brought in my backpack and camera. The guy gave me a thumbs up and I got in line. The guard at the door went through my back to make sure I wasn't sneaking in a gun or crack or something. Not finding any, she put a bracelet on my wrist and I went in the building. I picked up a cool Lips t-shirt and we headed to the main house which was about half full to its limit.

Here's where the fun begins.

The first thing I did, after drinking a beer, was take out my camera and begin recording some of the crappy footage you can see in the previous post. I had to hold the camera over my head to get a clear shot of the stage. I recorded two 30 seconds clips and turned to a friend to say something when I got a tap on my shoulder. I turned, expecting to see Angie or Mark (they were on their way over from their hotel) only to see a scowling security guard.

Over the din of the band (The Go Team!) the guard shouted and gestured towards my camera. Instinctively, I turned it off and put it one of the many pockets lining my cargo shorts. He kept scowling and angrily jabbing his finger at my pants. As the song died down, the voiceless motions of his mouth began to scream.

"Whatcha doing? You shootin' video?? Video?"

Of course I was.

"No. Of course not!" I said. "It's a still camera. I thought we could bring cameras in."

"You can, but not video cameras." He said.

"It's not a video camera." It was. "It only shoots stills." It doesn't.

"I saw a little red circle on the screen. A recording symbol." Damn. He was an observant security guard. While we were arguing another, older, guard came up and stood by us.

"There's, uh, a little red light that lights up on the outside before it flashes…" It was a stretch.

"You know, I was going to let you off, but now you’re lyin’. You must think I'm a retard. Show me the pictures you took." I did think he was retard, but would go so far as to say he was an observant retard. I sighed and handed over the camera, turning it on for him. In video mode, the display only shows the first frame of the video so it just looks like a still. Thankfully.

"See? It’s just pictures. I didn't know we couldn't take pictures." I said again, reaching for the camera.

"You can take pictures, not video.” He said, turning the camera over apparently looking for the slot where the DV tapes went. The older guard stepped over and took the camera from the young punk and handed it back saying, “Here, just take pictures of the walls or I'll have to confiscate it." I immediately stuffed in my backpack and walked back to the couch I had been sitting on.

Narrowly avoiding my camera getting yanked, I treated myself to a beer and forced my way to into the crowd to watch Sonic Youth. They were surprisingly good. I think I had always confused them with Sublime or something, because when they started playing long, minimalist-influenced rock songs with few words, I was taken aback. They played a long, very interesting set. By the time it was done, I desperately in need of some food.

I left the theater and headed down a block to a nearby Subway I had seen earlier in the afternoon while I wandered around. However, when I arrived there I discovered it friggen closed at 6:00PM on Saturdays. 6:00PM??? That’s crazy talk. So I turned back around, tummy all a-rumblin’ with beer and… well, that’s pretty much it. Just beer.

When I got back to the entrance of State Theater, I approached the same guard and flashed my badge expecting to just breeze past. Instead she put up a meaty hand in halting gesture.

“What?” I asked.

“Need to go through your bag.”

I showed her my bracelet and flashed my most charming smile, “I was just in here. Five minutes ago.”

“Put the bag there.” She gestured at a ledge. My smile needs tweaking, or something. I handed her the bag tempted to say, “Put it there yourself, lemonhead.” But I restrained myself.

She started rustling through bag much as she had done before, brushing past my toothbrush, underwear, and socks. She stopped on my daily pill organizer. Damn (again), I thought.

“What’s this?”

“They’re heart pills. This is my overnight bag.” Both were true.

“We have to have them tested.”

“Tested? Tested for what?”

“Hey, I’m just doing my job. A lot of people put things in people’s drinks…”

“And they usually bring in said drugs in pill organizers?” She gave me The Look, so I shut up. My heart pills look like Advil and I happened to have a couple Advil mixed in with them, so when she spotted these, she asked, “Are these Advil?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Ok, enjoy the show.” I took my bag back and wandered into the theater. The place was absolutely packed. In retrospective discussions with various people, we came to the conclusion that they must’ve oversold the show because it was so crammed.

The Lips (which are kind of a Rock N’ Roll band crossed with a stage performance) were incredible. See the video in yesterday’s post.

After the concert, Chad, Andy, and Jon all headed back to GR. Angie and Mark reserved a hotel room in Auburn Hills (normally 20 minutes away) for us to crash at after the concert. The idea was they would get drive their yellow Aztec to the hotel and would follow. Do I need to say it didn’t work out as planned?

I did follow them. That part worked out okay. It was the part about 20 minutes that didn’t work out very well. Basically we had to get on I-75 and drive straight until we hit an exit, then drive to the hotel that is actually viewable from the interstate. Instead, the city of Chicago completely shut the interstate down. They didn’t collapse it down to one lane, no. They completely ended the expressway by forcing all of the 12:30AM Sunday morning traffic onto some side street in the absolute ghetto with sparse to no detour signs.

After an hour or so of driving around the hood, we were parked beneath and underpass at a red light. A very loud crashing sound was heard (I didn’t see anything) then Angie drove the yellow bus through three reds lights and headed off over a hill. At the same time, a police car hit its lights and pulled ahead about 20 feet and stopped. I was very confused. I waited until the light turned green, slowly passing the flashing cruiser. I learned later that a old, beat up truck flew past us and smashed directly into a telephone pole completely demolishing it. I missed the entire thing – my view being obscured by the Aztec and the underpass stanchions.

We finally made it to the hotel about 1:00AM, shared a couple bowls of popcorn, and a donut hole. I took a quick shower and fell immediately into a coma. I awoke about 2 hours later completely awake. Monty Python’s Flying Circus was on PBS, so I watched that for a few minutes then promptly fell into a deep, wonderful sleep.

The Lips Concert - Video Update

This is the video portion of the update. It contains a small, low resolution 5 minute video of the adventure. It shouldn't take long to download and will rock your socks. You can only watch under three conditions: 1) You post some kind of comment 2) You understand that it was shot on a small camera designed to shoot single frames, not video and 3) The cameraman had a few beers and only ate a small breakfast the whole day. I think it captures the frenetic mood of the event along with how impossible it is to actually describe a Lips experience. I'll post the story tomorrow. Click the images below for the vid (you may have to 'Save Target As' or whatever the Mac equivalent is to download it).

Working on Lips

Hey all. Still working on the Lips edit. I plan to add a cool effect for the intro, but I can't seem to get it straight yet. I also want to post the story the goes along with it because it involves nearly confiscated cameras, trucks crashing into telephone poles, and a Subway that closes at 6:00PM on a Saturday in downtown Detroit (!)

Stay tuned. (I tried to upload a picture but the form keeps timing out. I'll try again tomorrow)

Dukes of... I give up.

It's a year and a day since this was put on the web, but since I stumbled across this tonight and it made me chuckle, I thought I'd throw it up.

Apparently, Warner Brothers does not have enough researching staff to figure out all the details about the Dukes of Hazzard movie before they dump millions of dollars into it just to find out that the original rights remained with the producer of the original film (Moonrunners).

The movie looked too horrible for me to waste money and time watching, but I couldn't resist poking fun at how Warner Brothers got screwed over for not doing their homework.

Corporate Cornhole

About a month ago I was reading the much over-hyped blog Fark.com. There was a funny link to an article that talked about how a city was gathering around a beloved cornhole festival. The Fark comments were of the usual immature / hilarious variety. I was chuckling as I scrolled down the page to where the Southerners started writing about what cornhole actually is. It turns it out it's that game you played when you were at a town fair. You know, the one where you throw small bean (corn) bags into large holes cut into pieces of wood and were awarded points accordingly. You’ve seen it on the bozo show and at every circus in the world. Apparently, the game of cornhole is big business down here - the point that they sell tote bags to carry your cornbags around in. People play it all the time and, somehow, manage saying the word "cornhole" without snickering.

The title of today's entry is actually a double entendre. It refers to both me as a corporate cornhole who sucks because I've allowed myself to be swallowed up (again) in the testing suck and the fact that the corporation that has recently hired me has an entire warehouse filled with cornhole boards that nearly everyone in the company plays during lunchtime (I will get pictures of these boards soon).

I started up the working-making-money thing again today and boy, does it suck. Not even eight hours into my first workweek and I hate it. I understand its necessity (it only takes a glance at my checkbook) and its function, but it doesn't make me like it one bit more. But for now it is necessary. Take a solid year off for school and you'll have to pay the piper. And oh how the piper will be paid over these next few months. So this is it. No more bitching about my job. If you ever wonder about the job and feel inclined to ask, don’t bother. The answer is: It sucks.

Speaking of the piper, here's a little tongue-twister Mandy and I came up with on our way up/down to Grand Rapids / Cincinnati dedicated to Kliener and the humor he finds in street names for hard drugs:

How much crack could a backpack pack, if a backpack could pack crack?
A backpack would pack all the crack that a backpack could pack
If a backpack could pack crack.

Let's see. In other news. This passed weekend I went to a fantastic Flaming Lips concert with friends and family. I have a score of pictures I took as well as enough small, crappy resolution videos that I might actually blend them all together into something this blog has never seen before. A video update. Look for that later this week. Also, I am going to come through with my promise of some pictures of the apartment. While I was gone partying, Mandy stayed home and decorated the apartment, painting a section of it, and hanging some tapestries (how nice is that?) So it's definitely ready for some pictures to be taken of.... it. For which. Something.

We bought a kid tonight! Her name is Fatimata and she lives in Ghanna. Sponsoring a child is something Mandy has done in the past and wanted to do again for a long time, so we decided this would be a good time to try it out. Honestly, I have mixed feelings about picking a kid out through an internet site. It feels sort of overlordish. Like I'm some kind of space dolphin wearing a flexible clam shell as a toga reaching into a candy jar filled with African kids. Or it could be the Green Thai Curry Paste is still causing me to hallucinate. One of the two.

Looking for color, try this

The MSNBC week in pic slide show has a really interesting image of an art piece that is being displayed in Sydney. The artist is an Aussie with an eye for color - check it out: art in balls